supply and demand

lavenderFor the first time in my life, I am alone. I’ve been single by choice since February. As of two days ago, I now live alone.

It’s not very smart, to not have a roommate, but I needed the space. I needed to start anew. I needed an opportunity to be alone with my thoughts, my dreams, my work (whatever that may be in the moment). I have become too comfortable, too complacent to chase the things I truly want.

Complacency is not acceptable. Complacency is death of spirit to me.

I haven’t yet given up on my dreams to do, try, see everything. Somethings may need to be scaled down in magnitude, but everything is possible. Maybe I can’t be the first female Terminator, but I can take acting and martial arts classes.

Mostly, I worried about money. Without a roommate, I lose a decent amount of monthly income. Namely, the income that funds my disposable “fun money” for hobbies or outings. Now those, too, must be scaled down to a manageable, doable size. I may not be able to go to Hawaii, but there is lots of beauty locally for me to enjoy (especially now that fall is finally here).

With just me, most of my bills will be lower. Less food consumed, less energy used, less waste (I’m hoping). But it won’t be a dramatic decrease.

Well, sometimes, it’s funny how the universe provides.

At the same time, suddenly I have to work a ton more overtime than I expected for a work project. The overtime should help me pay off some outstanding medical bills from my surgery last year after I kill the last of my existing credit card debt (which is only a few hundred dollars). Couple that with a royalty check from my publisher that was almost double what I expected. That alone guarantees I get through the winter with a roof over my head and food in my belly and my beloved smart phone with all its glorious unlimited data!

Plus, the additional work keeps me busy. It keeps me from the temptation of going out with friends or burning gasoline or going shopping for crap I don’t need. Idle hands and all that.

But what happens when the project is complete? Well, boys and girls, I have some writing to do.

I have stories lined up for the remainder of the year, each targeting their respective holidays. Two of them have been previously published, but their re-release will help me rebuild an audience while I work on new material and continue to re-release older titles. Although the last couple weeks haven’t been the best productivity-wise just due to the nature of this time of year for me (birthdays, major work projects, show planning), I had been making some very good progress before birthday season hit hard.

Beyond the wonders of my own resourcefulness, I have lots for which to be thankful:

Friends: the family I chose, yet they love me as though they didn’t get a choice in the matter. Their generosity, support, and humor have carried me through more days than I will ever stop to count. These are the people that taught me that risk and vulnerability are virtues to be celebrated, not qualities to be hidden.

Family: while I never got along with my parents before the age of 22, we’re pretty close now. I know that if I ever needed anything, they wouldn’t ask questions (which is probably why things got better after 22…). Knowing how headstrong I am, I rarely need to ask for help. They can see when I need help and they provide it. But even when I have to eat humble pie, they make it a painless process.

A small part of me is scared, but mostly I’m excited to see what the coming months bring. My first weekend alone has already been quite the experience with dead baby tarantulas and false-positive break-ins.

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